A men’s law wellbeing group in 2024

James McFarlane reflects on being part of the profession’s Men’s Wellbeing Group, and the benefits of forming connections and support networks.

As we come to the end of the year, it is a time to reflect and think about what we want to take into 2025 with us. One of the main things I am delighted to be taking into 2025 is my participation in the Men’s Wellbeing Group.

As it has been running for two and a half years, it is easy to forget how much ground we have covered in that time but also what we have achieved in 2024 alone. This year was a great year for the group as we welcomed new members and were able to move forward with the men who have been a core part of the group for a long time now. As we progress, it is always important to take a moment to reflect on what we have learned…

The power of connection

Something that has come up in a lot of the group’s conversations, and was covered in one of our sessions, is the power of connection. Connection is one of the most important elements of wellbeing for me. As somebody who can be quite introverted at times, I have often underestimated the benefits of connection throughout my life. But this year, more than any other, I have experienced first-hand how much better I can feel after I have a good conversation with somebody. This is where the group has given me such value. Just the knowledge that we are going to have a conversation every month is a comforting thought and knowing that people are there for me when I need them is great. The positive impact the connection to the group has had on my life cannot be overstated. It has been the best thing I have ever been a part of and it is the safety net that I think we all need when life gets tough. I will never be able to thank the guys enough for what they do for me.

Connection is also so important in our profession generally. Law is very much a team sport and it is important that we build connections with our colleagues so we can both enjoy our time at work and also operate at the highest possible level. The culture we have in the OP&IP team at NatWest has teamship as one of its three cultural pillars. That means looking after each other in any we can, supporting each other in good and bad times and holding each other accountable when we need it. The best thing about the team is that we all care about each other on a personal level, and because of that, it is an absolute joy to be part of. I’ve realised this year that my wellbeing has improved dramatically because of the connection and team spirit we have in work. If we are spending a lot of our lives working, we may as well make it as enjoyable as we can while we are there.

In order to help that culture travel outwith the team, we also host roundtables for future legal leaders throughout each year. I hosted the last one and it was such a fun experience to talk with those who are at my stage in their careers and to hear their insights around topics not directly related to law but more about who we are. On that note, if you want to come along to our next roundtable and are 0-5 years PQE, please drop me an email and we can chat about that further.  

Helping others

Another thing that I have learned even more this year is that helping others can help your own wellbeing. We see a lot about self-care in the modern media and that is essential to wellbeing. But for me, helping others is a form of self-care because it gives an irreplaceable sense of purpose, allows you to make people’s lives better and builds that sense of connection that we all need with the wider world. Our team volunteers with two incredible homelessness charities, Bethany Christian Trust and Glasgow City Mission. At Bethany Christian Trust, we go out in a Care Van around Edinburgh a couple of times a month and serve sandwiches, fruit and hot drinks to those who need it. At Glasgow City Mission, we serve and eat lunch with the guests who attend. Volunteering with both charities has been a real highlight for me this year and speaking with and learning from those experiencing homelessness has been amazing.

The majority of the people who attend are in difficult situations but are often really upbeat. This is so inspiring and makes me realise that we don’t need to do much to make a big difference to somebody else’s day. As a profession that solves problems for people every day, we really can learn a lot from being there with those who are less fortunate than us. The perspective that it brings is unbelievable and has made me realise that being there for the people who need it is the most important thing we can do as humans. Just being there to talk and listen is one of the most valuable things we can do for each other. Everybody has a story to tell and if we take the time to listen, we will learn a lot.

If you want to help either charity, you can ‘buy a bed’ for those who would otherwise be sleeping rough via the Bethany Christian Trust website or donate to Glasgow City Mission’s Christmas Appeal.

Vulnerability is key

My last key learning on wellbeing this year is that vulnerability is essential when it comes to building relationships, helping others and improving our own wellbeing. It is so easy in our profession to resist being vulnerable because we still have the tendency to want to come across as perfect all the time. As the wellbeing conversation moves on, clients are becoming more conscious of this and actually appreciate when their lawyers show vulnerability in their interactions.

Over and above this is the fact that we all have struggles in our lives and we should be able to rely on those around us to help us through them. It is easy to get caught up when you are in a bad place and start to think that you are the only person in the world who has certain negative thoughts. The reality is, however, that the more you talk to those around you about what you are going through, the more you’ll realise how similar we actually all are. This requires us to talk to each other and to allow ourselves to be vulnerable when doing so. I know it can be hard but if you can do that, you will not feel alone in your thoughts. And you might just help somebody else to feel less alone. I have experienced that first-hand in the Men’s Wellbeing Group. I am still working on being vulnerable at times but the group has shown me that if I want to work through any problems I have, I need to be brave enough to lean into the vulnerability and allow others the opportunity to help.

For me, the quicker we can all understand the power of vulnerability, connection and openness, the better we will all be.

Group highlights

One of the highlights of the year was the group climbing Ben Lomond together. We met up in the morning and climbed up to find there was still snow at the top. The best part about the day was the chance to get to know each other on a deeper level; something that I don’t think can be replicated through a screen. Taking time out of our busy lives to be present with each other and have a good laugh while also doing something that is good for us embodies what wellbeing is about for me. All of the learnings I’ve mentioned here were covered that day and I think the rest of the group would say the same.

I am also looking forward to our Christmas lunch, which will be the third one since the group began. I have such great memories of the past two and it is a real highlight of the year to get together and enjoy the festive period with the group in person.

But above all, the main highlight is simply how grateful I am to have the group in my life, both individually and collectively. I am extremely lucky that the people who are part of it are part of it, because they have genuinely made me a better person in every way. It is great to hear their insights and advice but above everything else, it is great to know that everybody is there for each other when we need them. There really is no better feeling than that. Especially in a profession that can be quite competitive, quite ruthless and seemingly willing – at times – to put wellbeing at the bottom of the list of priorities. In a job where we are solving other people’s problems for a living, we need to find space to look after ourselves. 

A final thought

As a final reflection, I think wellbeing rightfully came to the top of our lists during and following the Covid pandemic, but I get the sense that the enthusiasm for proactively protecting it within the legal profession is beginning to fade. We cannot allow that to happen if we want the profession to be where it needs to be.

People are more conscious of their own wellbeing than ever and won’t accept some of what was accepted before the pandemic. I don’t think we need to see any more stats around burnout, anxiety and depression to make us realise that we need to keep moving away from the unhealthy behaviours of the past. It doesn’t need to be about working late nights, constant stress and checking emails on holiday any more. We have seen over the past few years that business can operate fine without those things. It can be about building connections, being vulnerable and showing up for those around us. If you read about the regrets of the dying, you will see what I mean. In the end, all that really matters is being good to our people and enjoying life as it happens. That is what I care about and that is what the Men’s Wellbeing Group shows me is possible every month. Let’s see what we can do next year.

Written by James McFarlane, Legal Counsel, Outsourcing, Technology & IP, Legal & Reg Affairs, Group COO, The Royal Bank of Scotland