Ask Ash

Dear Ash,

I am getting married in the autumn and my partner and I are currently finalising the wedding guest list. The only issue concerning me is whether to invite my work colleagues. A junior colleague got married last year and invited everyone from our department, including some that she claimed to dislike! Our team has less than 10 people but I am friendlier with people from other departments, and also sometimes socialise with them. I don’t want to offend anyone in my department, especially senior colleagues, in case it has an impact on my career prospects. What should I do?

Ash replies:

Your wedding day is meant to be a memorable and enjoyable occasion for you, although the run-up can be quite stressful. Although a wedding is a personal event, some people invite work colleagues. However, just because you work alongside someone does not give you an automatic right to attend their wedding. That right is normally reserved for annoying relations!

Your colleague who invited everyone rather than cherry pick those she actually liked, probably thought that was the simplest way of avoiding any potential disharmony. However, most people would probably not expect to be invited to a colleague’s wedding unless there was a particular friendship involved. How did you feel at the prospect of attending your colleague’s wedding: were you surprised and did you relish the prospect, or resent the fact of having to socialise with colleagues when you would rather have spent time away from the working circle?

I understand your concerns about your career but I do think that, particularly in the current financial situation, people would understand you wanting to restrict your guest list. Indeed some may view an invite as a financial burden due to having to pay for a gift, outfit etc. Perhaps you could try mentioning to certain colleagues that you have to restrict your guest list to close friends and family due to restrictions of cost and the venue. You will normally find that colleagues understand.

If you do have particular concerns about offending senior managers, you could consider inviting them for a drink at the wedding reception.

Whatever you decide, remember that the most important people at the wedding will be you and your partner, so focus on that and try to enjoy the day!

“Ash” is a solicitor who is willing to answer work-related queries from solicitors and trainees, via the editor: peter@connectcommunications.co.uk, or mail to Studio 2001, Mile End, Paisley PA1 1JS. Confidence will be respected and any advice published will be anonymised.

The Law Society of Scotland offers a support service for trainees through its Education and Training Department. For one-to-one advice contact Education and Training Manager Katie Meanley on 0131 476 8105/8200, or KatieMeanley@lawscot.org.uk