Ask Ash

Dear Ash

I gained some weight following the birth of my baby last year and unfortunately have not been able to shift the additional pounds, having found little time or energy to exercise. However, one of my colleagues seems to think it is acceptable to make constant jibes about my weight, including at a recent client meeting. Although I laughed it off at the time, I felt humiliated in front of everyone.

On another occasion he began talking about his gym regime to everyone and then smugly commented that I probably didn’t have much time to fit exercise into my life. I am really tiring of his comments, but rather than feel motivated to do something about my weight, I find I am eating the wrong things, subconsciously perhaps highlighting that I don’t care what he thinks and will eat whatever I want. I am starting to dread going into work as this is affecting my self confidence; but I am reluctant to highlight the issue to my manager in case I am accused of making too much of simple banter?

Ash replies:

It is appalling that a new mother is being treated in this way. Our society seems to expect normal working mothers to have similar physiques to those celebrity mothers who are able to hire personal trainers, dieticians etc to ensure the perfect body. In any case, you should not be made to feel self conscious by anyone, especially someone who seems to have little clue about the challenges of parenthood.

Your colleague should remember that you are not on a catwalk, and he is not some panel show judge who has the right to utter demeaning criticism. You are a professional, and your brains and intelligence will continue to hold you in good stead so long as you do not let your colleague’s immaturity affect you.

The behaviour you are experiencing is in essence bullying, and it is unfortunate that although we have set boundaries on comment about a range of issues in today’s workplace, we still seem to think that someone’s weight is fair game.

I can appreciate that you are reluctant to involve your manager at this stage. I suggest that the next time your colleague attempts to embarrass you in front of others, you respond in an appropriate manner about something that he may have issue with. A little taste of his own medicine will do him no harm and may get the message across subtly that you are no pushover, hopefully making him think twice before passing any more jibes about you.

However, if his behaviour persists then I strongly urge you at least to raise the matter with him directly and warn him that if he continues to intimidate you in this manner, you may have to raise it at a higher level. This should at least make clear to him that you are serious and give him the opportunity to mend his ways.

Meantime, do to try to work on building up your self esteem, perhaps taking on some martial arts classes or boxing. It is amazing how the endorphins from such exercise can help with stress levels and boost your confidence, especially when you can picture the punchbag as someone who is a real irritant!

Send your queries to Ash

“Ash” is a solicitor who is willing to answer work-related queries from solicitors and trainees, which can be put to her via the editor: peter@connectcommunications.co.uk, or mail to Studio 2001, Mile End, Paisley PA1 1JS. Confidence will be respected and any advice published will be anonymised.

Please note that letters to Ash are not received at the Law Society of Scotland. The Society offers a support service for trainees through its Registrar’s Department. For one-to-one advice, contact Katie Wood, manager in the Registrar’s Department on 0131 476 8105/8200, or KatieWood@lawscot.org.uk