The Eternal Optimist: It’s good to talk

There is a joke in my family that if my mother met a man in the park with an axe and a severed head she would comment on how nice his axe was and then invite him home for dinner. Perhaps that’s how she met dad? The ability, though, to engage with clients, colleagues and the occasional stranger is one that we shouldn’t underestimate.

As most of you know, I spend part of my week meeting with legal firms throughout Scotland in my role with HM Connect. During COVID we all adopted online communications, and for many forms of meeting these have proven very successful. Procedural and administrative matters can be completed quickly, eliminating the need to travel, but the more meaningful or creative meetings just don’t seem to work as well. The complexities of human communication create something special when we meet in person, which doesn’t translate well to the more sterile online environment. For some though, and not just in the legal profession, there seems to be a reluctance to return to in-person meetings.

Why meet up?

I’ve reached that age and stage where I don’t love the commute. Travelling is frustrating, and I see my life ticking away when stuck on a train or in traffic. It is, though, invariably worth the effort to meet in person and the results seldom disappoint, with opportunities regularly arising that were never anticipated.

There are a number of reasons for this. We are at our core sociable creatures: the simple act of breaking bread (or these days, sharing a coffee and a bun) connects us as it has always done. It is an important routine celebrated the world over, and has been at the core of relationship building since we lived in caves. In new relationships in particular, taking the time to share a cuppa and chat for a few minutes about anything other than the business in hand creates a sense of connection that will serve well, particularly through some of the more tense moments that transactional work can encompass.

While a sweeping generalisation, our profession is not always great with numbers. What is more challenging is that we may not be as good with words as we think. To put that in context, communication is an extremely complex matter, and words alone, particularly written words, cannot express either the depth or nuance of many of the challenging and emotive issues that we handle. We may pride ourselves on the quality of our penmanship, but when it comes to the acid test – will the recipient fully understand it? – the answer is often no. The old adage remains true: “I know what I wrote, not what you read.”

Face to face meetings, however, allow us to use many other tools to convey our message and ensure that it is both correctly delivered and, more importantly, understood. Our appearance sets the tone (yes, you should still be business smart); our tone sets the mood (being busy or harassed is not a good look); and our mood (remember to smile) is a great start to any relationship (no one likes a grump). Likewise, the bilateral nature of conversation allows us to gauge whether the message is hitting the mark, and to check with the other party before we leave that they have understood and agree the key points.

Non-verbal messages

Words themselves are often the least important part of the communication process. How we say something can be more important than what we say (“Aye, right”, I hear you say). Physical signals, eye contact or the lack, the handshake and how engaged each party is in the conversation are all essential elements, and yet almost impossible to gauge online. The ability to adapt or clarify our message and/or delivery depending on the reactions, all those subtle little signals that we are receiving, is also invaluable. A myriad little responses that we pick up during a conversation allow us to tailor it to ensure that at the end all parties can leave feeling heard and understood. Again all this helps to build that sense of connection that is so important when creating lasting, meaningful relationships.

Ultimately, it’s about the magic of human interaction. It builds trust and encourages clients or colleagues to share information important to their case or opportunities to widen the relationship. Similarly, creative solutions to challenges seem to flow more easily when ideas can be exchanged and considered in real time, with the whole team adding and refining “on the fly”. Once the groundwork has been done, Zoom and Teams are then ideal places to keep in touch and to update. Just remember their limitations.

For those looking to meet with other practitioners to chat through topical issues for you or your firm, why not come along to the Legal Entrepreneurs’ Club, a collection of legal business owners from high street firms across Scotland? It meets on the second Tuesday of every month, both in person and online. Feel free to drop me an email at stephen.vallance@harpermacleod.co.uk to learn more.