Ask Ash: Antisocial behaviour?

Dear Ash,

A new colleague has recently joined our firm and, although he seems quite reserved, he seems to have rejected all our team’s efforts to get him to attend social events. I thought that it would be good for him to attend such events in order to help him get to know the team, but he just doesn’t seem interested. We recently had a Christmas drinks event, but he refused to attend and had no real explanation other than it was “not his thing”. None of us were intending to stay long as we all had client meetings the next day, and I explained this to him. However, he shrugged his shoulders and said he still would not be coming. I find this to be quite rude and standoffish and, although he may be a good lawyer, I think it is important to try to make an effort to get to know colleagues too.

Ash replies:

I appreciate your viewpoint in all this, and your efforts to make your new colleague feel welcome. However, if I was to play devil’s advocate, there may be a perfectly valid reason for him deciding not to attend such social events. Some people can, despite their professional persona, just feel inherently shy or awkward at such events. It can be akin to a professional actor who, on stage, may be perfectly at ease, but out of character may not feel comfortable socialising with effectively a bunch of strangers. 

It could be that he is going through some personal issues at this time and, although he needs to work, he just does not have the ability or time right now to make additional efforts to socialise outside of work.

Whatever his reason may be for his current stance, please do not necessarily write him off as rude, he may just need time to adjust and adapt to his new surroundings or to deal with whatever may be troubling him in his personal life.

Be calm and patient and do continue to persist with your efforts on the social front, as I’m sure your attempts to bring your colleagues together are welcomed by others in your workplace.

Send your queries to Ash

“Ash” is a solicitor who is willing to answer work-related queries from solicitors and other legal professionals, which can be put to her via the editor: peter@connectmedia.cc. Confidence will be respected and any advice published will be anonymised.

Please note that letters to Ash are not received at the Law Society of Scotland. The Society offers a support service for trainees through its Education, Training & Qualifications team. Email legaleduc@lawscot.org.uk or phone 0131 226 7411 (select option 3).